


A Notebook

by Griffinzstories



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:33:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28628850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griffinzstories/pseuds/Griffinzstories
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	A Notebook

Hello! This is my first fan fiction ever and english is not my first language so sorry if you find any grammar mistakes along the way. Also please be nice in the comments! 

I hope you enoy reading this just as much as i enoyed writing it and constructive criticism is always welcome. 

That being said- enoy! :)

"Where is Y/n?" Levi questioned Hange after he failed to find you, he just got to know you a few days ago, but you had already cought his attention. Last time you two talked it was- an interesting experience for him, he never met someone like you. 

You impressed him earlier that day, you had just lost one of your squad members, your friend, and despite your whole team slowly giving up their hope, you menaged to lead them to safety. For someone who only just joined scouts, you were already showing signs of a great leader. 

"On the wall, they didn't come down from there sence we arrived." 

He was just about to go visit you there when Hange asked him where he was going. 

"I'll just go bring them something to eat." He answered. 

* * * 

The view from the wall was quite nice, you had to admit it to yourself, time up here seemed to stop for a bit and besides few passing guards here and there, it was pretty quiet. 

And now that you were sure that no one could see you, you let salty tears roll down your cheeks. 

You didnt scream, you didnt sob, you just stared, your eyes distant and empty as you finally let loose of those tears you've been holding in for so long.

You couldn't allow yourself to cry in front of anyone, you had to be strong for their sake. You were proud of yourself for keeping your walls up when no one else could, and while everyone else was slowly loosing themselves in fear of loosing their life and saddnes due to loosing their close ones, you were there to help them find themselves again, to help them recover. 

And while you stared into distance with your empty eyes, with your tears soaking your cheeks, Levi came and sat beside you. You failed to notice him, you were lost in your toughts, replaying what had happened earlier that day in your head over and over again. 

"It's not your fault, you know that right?" He spoke softly, but just by the way he said it, and by looking into his eyes you knew he wasnt saying it just to make you feel better. He knew it wasnt your fault, he belived in his own words. 

Of course, you knew that too, too many people were dying and there was nothing you could do to save your friend. You knew better then to blame yourself for something that couldnt be avoided. 

"Yeah i know that." Your voice was cold, but understanding, you werent trying to be rude, but you lost the need to sugarcoat your voice for sake of others a long time ago. 

It was then that Levi averted his gaze away from you and towards your lap, your eyes followed his, and you noticed what he was looking at. 

It was a notebook, it wasnt anything special, just a plain old notebook with yellow pages. But inside, on one of the open pages, was half finished portrait of the same person that had died earlier today, your close friend. 

You flashed a sad smile towards it. Your glossy eyes fixated on the drawing of a smiling person before you, once so lively and happy, now gone. You stopped crying as soon as you noticed Levi but even if you tried you couldnt hide traces of tears. 

"Its my weird way of coping i guess. Every time i loose someone I used to know, i draw their faces down into my notebook. I guess im just afraid of forgetting how they all looked. Its my way of mourning their deaths" 

He didnt answer, just nodded. He offered you a piece of bread. 

"You skipped dinner, I tought you might be hungry after a long day." 

* * * 

From then on, those nights spent in silence together became an every night thing. You'd come back to mourn deaths of many close friends you lost along the way, and he'd join you, offering you some of his dinner every time he sat beside you. He'd watch you while you drew in silence, you both never really talked much, only when you felt like neccessery, but even with the little amount of conversations you two shared, you quickly learned a lot about each other and grew closer. 

Untill one day- you werent there anymore, and he came back to an empty marked spot where you once used to sit. In his left hand, rested a piece of bread, the same kind of the one he gave you on the night he found you sitting here by yourself, silently crying. He noticed how fast your tears dissapeard once you noticed him, it was in your nature to look strong and collected even when it was only the two of you. He didnt like it, he respected it- but he wanted to learn even more about you, he wanted to be there for you when you cried, he hoped to be the one you trusted with your lows.  
But he lost the chance to earn your trust. 

In his right hand, rested your notebook, it had been filled with new portraits quite a bit sence he first met you.  
He sat down where he always used to sit when he was with you, he felt it would be desrespectfull if he sat in your spot, it was your little safe haven after all. Instead, he put down the peace of bread he brought with him, in case you were hungry and where ever you were right now didnt have food. He opened the notebook you once used to mourn deaths of people you lost, and started drawing. 

When he was done, he put it down on the same place where you once used to sit, and there, on the last page of the notebook, sat your portrait, it wasnt as clean as every other portrait, but Levi did to best of his abilities. His tears had stained some of the pages which just fed to his guilt, who was he to destroy something so valubale like your notebook. 

Levi never stopped visiting the place where you two first met, every night he would bring the notebook and new peace of bread to your place. Before, he used to stare at you peacfully drawing into your notebook, observing you in all of your glory.. but now, he would just stare at the messy drawing of you he drew. 

Untill one day, he couldnt visit the same place anymore, and now, sence he left the safety of the walls, all he could do was bring your notebook with him wherever he went, he knew he was bringing a peace of you with him wherever he went, he knew you always wanted to see more of the outside world, and he hoped that- trough the notebook he brought with him, you would be right beside him, observing the world with him.


End file.
